As we've mentioned before in our posts, one of our favorite linen specialists, Tina Smyth, received a book as a gift this winter called, The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook by Joshua Piven and David Borgenicht. She is absolutely in love with it and has been quoting its words of wisdom all around the office. Now we've all enjoyed learning all sorts of "valuable" lessons. The frank advice found within the pages of The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbookis totally perfect for all kinds of "dangerous" or new situations you might find yourself in. Below are some more humorous worst case scenarios that might help all of us one of these days soon.
All information is gathered from The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook by Joshua Piven and David Borgenicht.
HOW TO AVOID SHOOTING A CHAMPAGNE CORK
- Hold the thumb of your non-dominant hand over the cage and cork.
- The cork may fly out of the bottle as soon as the wire mesh (known as the “cage”) is loosened. Keep pressure on the cork and point the bottle away from yourself and anyone nearby. Turn the key of the wire cage.
- All cages on champagne and sparkling wine open after six clockwise half-turns. Remove the cage.
- Place an opened cloth napkin over the cork and neck of the bottle.
- Hold the bottle in your non-dominant hand and the napkin over the cork in your other hand. Keep the bottle angled away from people.
- Hold the cork tightly and slowly turn the bottle clockwise. Do not turn the cork or you risk breaking it. As the cork begins to come out, apply downward pressure on it. The pressure will prevent the cork from shooting away from the bottle.
- Hold the cork at the mouth of the bottle for five seconds. If champagne begins to bubble up and out, it will react with the end of the cork and flow back into the bottle. Slowly pour the champagne. Pour the champagne slowly until the froth (called “mousse”) reaches about 2 ⁄3 up the glass, then pause. When the mousse has receded, continue filling until the glass is approximately 2 ⁄3 full.
• The quieter the pop, the better the opening. A poor opening will cause champagne to spurt out of the bottle, resulting in lost champagne and carbonation.
• An uncontrolled opening may result in the cork leaving the champagne bottle with enough force to cause injury to someone nearby.
• Crystal flutes will improve the champagne experience: The slender shape makes the long streams of bubbles more visually appealing and concentrates the aroma. The finest leaded crystal (with a lead content of about 25 percent) has the smoothest surface and allows the champagne to maintain maximum carbonation.
• Never chill champagne flutes.
• Avoid champagne “saucers”: Their larger surface area releases more carbonation.
• The smaller the bubbles, the better the champagne.
HOW TO SURVIVE A FASHION EMERGENCY
• For white wine, wet a cloth napkin with cold water and dab the stain. Avoid hot water, which will set the stain.
• For red wine, soak a cloth napkin with white wine and apply to the stain area. Then dab the stain with cool water.
• Rub toothpaste—the white, pasty kind only—onto the stain to make it easier to clean later.
• If you spilled the wine on your date, apologize, offer to pay the dry cleaning bill, and immediately pour or order another glass of wine.
- Apply a generous amount of petroleum jelly to the spot. Baby wipes or wet towelettes will also remove most of the stain. Dry clean as soon as possible
Use a scarf to camouflage the area, unless it is on your date’s pants.
Use clear nail polish or a spritz of hairspray to keep the run from spreading.
If the rip is at the toe, stretch the toe out further and tuck the excess fabric under your foot so that the rip cannot be seen.
If the rip is down the front, twist your pantyhose to your inner thigh so that the tear is less visible. Be careful as you twist to avoid ripping it further. Or put the hose on backwards, as long as they are not seamed or embellished.
As a last resort, remove the stockings and go bare-legged.
HOW TO RETRIEVE A CANDY BAR STUCK IN THE LUNCHROOM VENDING MACHINE
(This is a daily challenge at our company.)
Purchase the item again. Depending on how severely the snack is stuck and how much money you have, you may be able to jar it loose and get a second one by selecting the same item again.
Choose an item from the row above. If your snack is stuck at an angle toward the glass at the end of the row, an item dropping from above may knock it free.
Jostle the machine. Vending machines are extremely heavy and can cause major injury if they tip over. Carefully bang on the side of the machine. Do not hit glass areas.
Rock the machine. Tip the machine backward very slightly (not side-topside) and let it drop back in place to jar the item loose. Do not press on the glass. Push in the vending door and remove the candy. Once the item—or items—have dropped, reach in and slowly extricate it.
Anti-theft devices make it virtually impossible to reach in and up past the vending door. Do not risk getting your arm stuck in the machine.
About the Authors
Joshua Piven is a computer journalist, freelance writer, and co-author of all the Worst-Case Scenario handbooks. He has been robbed, mugged, chased by knife-wielding motorcycle bandits, and stuck in subway tunnels. He and his family live in Philadelphia.
David Borgenicht is the publisher of Quirk Books (www.quirkbooks.com) and co-author of all the books in the Worst-Case Scenario series. He has ridden in heavily-armored vehicles in Pakistan, stowed away on Amtrak, been conned by a grifter, and survived encounters with mountain lions, alligators, barracudas, and Al Roker. He lives in Philadelphia with his family.
Brenda Brown is an illustrator and cartoonist whose work has been published in many books and publications, including the Worst-Case Scenario series, Esquire, Reader’s Digest, USA Weekend, 21st Century Science & Technology, the Saturday Evening Post, and the National Enquirer. Her website is www.webtoon.com.
James Grace is coauthor of The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook: Golf.
Sarah Jordan is coauthor of The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook: Parenting and The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook: Weddings.
Piers Marchant is coauthor of The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook: Life and The Worst-Case Scenario Almanac: History.
Jennifer Worick is coauthor of The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook: College and The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook: Dating & Sex.
All information is gathered from:
The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook by Joshua Piven and David Borgenicht. Go out and buy your copy today! You never know when you might find it quite handy!