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Thoughts on Your Wedding

One of our favorite Linen Specialists at US Tent, Tina Smyth, received a book for a gift this winter called The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook by Joshua Piven and David Borgenicht. She is absolutely in love with it and has been quoting its words of wisdom all around the office, and we've all enjoyed learning all sorts of valuable lessons. This book's frank advice is totally perfect for all kinds of dangerous or new situations you might find yourself in such as quicksand and sharks in the ocean for those of us here in Florida.

Tina decided to share some of this handbook's great advice with you, our loyal readers! Enjoy! Thank you authors Joshua Piven and David Borgenicht for your creativity and good common sense! To learn more about Tina, click on this link: This California gal is truly one of the most delightful people to work with in planning your linen and rental needs for your next event.

Tina Smyth:





All information is gathered from The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook by Joshua Piven and David Borgenicht.

wAsk family members to pay for specific expenses.

Have numbers ready to justify costs. If you sense resistance, threaten to elope or to have the reception at a seedy nightclub. For grandparents, offer upgrades at the reception in exchange for funding, such as seating at a table far from the band, their food served first or wider, and cushioned seats.

wRegister for wedding ceremony and reception components.

Instead of a bridal registry for china, crystal, and silver, registers for floral arrangements, the band, limousine service, liquor for the reception, and each course of the meal.

wHold a raffle.

Offer the guests a chance to buy tickets to win the wedding dress, a ride in the limo, or a chance to join the honeymoon.

wWash guests’ cars.

Hire a student at a low hourly rate to sell expensive car washes to the guests as they attend the ceremony and reception.


image from: The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook by Joshua Piven and David Borgenicht

w2Determine your budget.

w2Decide the maximum amount of guests you can afford to invite or who will fit at the wedding site.

w2Make lists. The bride, groom, and respective parents each should make a list of people to invite.

w2Strike as many people as you can from your own list. Remove unnecessary names from someone else’s list.

Take turns striking one name at a time from the list of the person sitting to your right. If that person

objects to the removal of the potential invitee, invoke the “two strikes” rule and find an ally to vote against

the would-be guest. Remove contested names that have two votes against them. (There are variations on

the rule that grant people paying for the entire wedding greater voting power: Their vote for removal

counts as three votes, and the names on their list are untouchable.)

w2Compile a master list.

Combine the remaining names and organize them by category: wedding party, work contacts, relations,

Friends, parents’ friends, college friends, others. Each person at the table should rank each person within a category by importance, as determined by the answers to the following questions:

How often have we seen this person in the last year?

Did he really seem glad to see us?

If I invite this person, will I be obligated to invite his spouse or friends?

How much power does this person hold over me?

How rich is he and will he use his wealth for good gifts?

Will he seem impressive to my friends?

Is he good looking? Will he improve my wedding photos or video?

Can I handle the fallout if I do not invite him?

w2Agree in advance what the cut-off level will be.

Remove entire categories. Decide no kids, no work-related people, no relations beyond first cousins, no

dates for singles, no redheads.

Remove people below a certain rank. Create barriers to attendance.

Make it impossible for large numbers of people to attend.

Hold the wedding in the middle of the week.

Hold the wedding at a distant location (Antarctica, tiny Pacific island).

Require formal attire or elaborate expensive costumes.

Hold the wedding at an inconvenient time (2 A.M.).





w4Extreme heat

Have the caterer serve all refrigerated items immediately. Do not be concerned about mixing up

traditional courses such as dessert, dinner, and appetizers. Serve ice cream and fish first and save

bread, crackers, and other nonperishables for last.

Soak napkins in ice water and wear as headbands, neck wraps, or hats.

Remove nonessential clothing.

w4Extreme cold

Tell guests to huddle together to use body heat to stay warm. Cram additional guests into each row

of seats or table. Place children on laps of adults for additional heat source.

Pass out candles in glass globes. Guests can hold the globe as a hand warmer, passing it along after a

few moments.

w4Rain with no tent

Make a paper hat. Take a wedding program and orient it in front of you as you would to read it.

Turn it 90 degrees so that the bound part is on top and the open part is on the bottom. Take the top two corners of the program and fold them into the middle. Now take the bottom flap and fold up once or twice. Turn “hat” over and turn up the other page once or twice. You now have a “Napoleon” style paper hat. Perch it delicately on your head to keep the water off your face.

w5image from: The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook by Joshua Piven and David Borgenicht

Have the groomsmen pick up the aisle runner and hold it over the heads of the bride, groom, and officiant as a canopy.

Instruct guests to take off their jackets and hold them over their heads as makeshift umbrellas.

w4Swarm of insects

Grind up garlic, mix with water, and spray flying insects to repel them. Kill mosquitoes by spraying

them with catnip oil. To stop invasions of ants, grind citrus peels and mix with water, then dump

on hill.

Instruct guests or members of the wedding party wearing yellow to change the color of their

clothes. Likewise, guests wearing citrus-infused perfumes and colognes should wash them off.

Bumblebees are attracted to the color yellow and the odor of citrus.

Build a yellow-jacket trap. Find a two-liter bottle and cut off the top several inches. Invert the top

and place it into the bottle. Staple the pieces together for added security. Find a sweet-smelling liquid (orange soda, vanilla soda, root beer, lemonade) and pour five ounces into the bottle as a lure. The yellow jackets will fly in but won’t be able to escape.

Place sweet-smelling strips of fabric softener on tables to repel insects.

w4Be Aware

If you are not completely comfortable with the possibility of storms, infestations, floods, and other

extreme weather, plan an indoor wedding.

All information is gathered from:

The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook by Joshua Piven and David Borgenicht.

Go out and buy your copy today! You never know when you might find it quite handy!

Linens by the Sea was born out of passion, ingenuity and creative flair. Our goal is to turn important events into lifelong happy memories. We pride ourselves on attending to your individual needs, and every day we strive to make your special occasion simply unparalleled with our outstanding linens. Please Contact Us if you would like to start designing your upcoming festivity.

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941-757-3523 office | 941-727-1938 fax

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